Dear young girls who want to date my son,
I don’t feel the need to let you know and expect you to
memorize all the rules of my household. At this point, my son should know what
these rules are and he will be the one expected to follow them. At this point
in his life, I hope that I have taught him well enough to where he understands
what his expectations are and chooses to make the right decisions. He is
quickly growing into adulthood and if I want him to be an independent,
responsible, and well-mannered adult male he needs to start practicing making
decisions on his own. Therefore, I will not be checking his Facebook posts
(assuming Facebook is still around in 16 years) or checking his text messages.
I will probably be a friend of his on Facebook, so it is likely I will see
things, but I am also not ignorant to the fact that he could block anything he
doesn't want me to see anyway. Why will I not be checking these items? Because
I want my son to know I trust him to make the correct decision, and until he
does something to lose that trust, I will allow him agency free from prying
eyes.
Now, although he has freedom to make decision, he is still expected to
follow the rules, and if he doesn't comply with the rules there will be
consequences for his actions. This is how he will learn how it is in the real
world. Every choice has a consequence, and if he makes a poor decision, bad
consequences follow. One thing I do want to assure you though, dear young girl,
is that I don’t blame you for his poor decision making. It isn't your job to
make sure he does everything he is expected to. You may have power to influence
his decision, but ultimately he is the one who makes his own decisions and he
will get the full weight of the consequences that follow. I grow increasingly
weary of hearing other mothers put the responsibility on the young girls in
their son’s life to make sure their son makes the correct decision. Hopefully,
I have done my job in teaching my son morals and teaching him his expectations
so that he will automatically act accordingly when he is allowed to make
decision on his own. Now, I know he’s still growing and he is going to make
mistakes, but that’s why my job as a parent isn't done and I can continue to
teach him and show him love as he grows into a fully functioning adult. Will there be times when I need to remind him
of his expectations? Yes. Do I feel that I need to remind you of his
expectations? No, as that is his job. I hope to also have a welcoming
environment where you both will find joy in spending time in our home so that
we can get to know each other better. Will there be rules as to where you can
both be together in my home? Yes, and he will let you know what those are. If I
find you both breaking those rules, again, my conversation will be with him,
not with you. This is HIS home and HE is expected to live by the rules and
explain the rules to all guests he invites into this home.
Unless you give me a reason to believe that
somehow you are in complete control of my son’s behavior you are always welcome
in my home and welcome to spend time with my son. If I find you a person I don’t
feel my son should be around, I may voice my concerns with my son, but I don’t
feel the need to shame you or let you know how I disapprove of your life. Why?
Because 1) I don’t know where you've come from 2) I believe that for the most
part, people are able to change and for goodness sake you are just a teenager
trying to find your way through this world and 3) It isn't my job to tell you
how to live your life. That job lies solely with your parents. So, unless you
are rude to me directly and give me reason to bring your behavior to your
attention, again, you are welcome here and know that I won’t be judging you or
expecting you to keep my son’s behavior under control.
I look forward to meeting you in 16 years or so.
