The America We All Forgot

The past year politically has been a little bit of a headache for all of us. But, besides politics, America has a lot going on right now. Of all things one common theme seems to have stood out to me above the rest: America has forgotten our roots. We've gotten so lost in needing to be star-spangled awesome that we've forgotten the basic principles upon which America was founded.

The past few years have been tumultuous ones. After living through the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression, the U.S. kind of fell into disrepair. During the recession we were reminded of things that we had ignored. those things primarily include that this country isn't as equal as we thought it was, and we haven't left the 60s as far behind as we thought. As each evidence of inequality came to light, protests in all forms began. Now before I continue, let me clarify, when I use the term protest I do NOT mean riot. Although riots occurred, there have been more protests than riots by a gigantic margin. Unfortunately, though, with those protests came some of the most upsetting rhetoric of all: "If you don't like it get out!" This logic absolutely makes no sense to me. We are a country founded on protests. We wouldn't be here today without people saying "You know, I don't like this so I'm going to do something" and then protesting and sometimes, even resorting to destruction of property (gasp!). Right from the beginning of our government, our founding fathers knew how important protestation was and ensured that we would always have the right to peaceful protest. Thus, the first amendment was born.

That all being acknowledged, somehow a significant majority of the population has seemed to have forgotten this history and the importance of the first amendment in its entirety. To be honest, I'm not quite sure where we went wrong. I don't know if it's the drama of our two-party system or the lack of civics education, but I've been horrified every time someone gets their panties in a bunch because people assemble to let their government and peers know that they have issues with the climate of our country. The fact of the matter is that people are struggling. Our country is not as free as we think. Those who are hurting the worst are protesting and really, it doesn't matter how they protest, people are all up in arms. They take a knee during the national anthem "Outrageous!", they assemble in groups peacefully, "What do they have to complain about? What whiney babies!", they burn the flag "how disrespectful! They should be arrested!" (which by the way is completely contradictory to the First Ammendment), they get violent "Well why don't they just assemble peacefully?" Well they tried that and you shut them down. So, to be clear, you don't have to like it or have any positive feelings toward it. I'm not particularly fond of anyone burning my country's flag, but I'll fight every day for their right to do so. I wouldn't personally sit during the national anthem, but I'll speak out for their right to do so. Someone asserting their first amendment right isn't un-American as people have been calling it. It's actually one of the most American things you can do, as prescribed and demonstrated by our forefathers.

The Proverbial Hot Mess Express

So basically, this blog has turned into me posting something whenever I need to just put something out into the universe. This post falls right along in line with that. That thing I need to put out there is this: I’m a freaking hot mess express. And when I mean hot mess express, I don’t mean occasionally, I mean every damn day. Even as I write this I am sitting at my computer crying tears of absolute frustration. I have become that person. Why do you ask? Because sometimes life throws us a curveball. Sometimes life doesn’t go as you planned it. Sometimes you have a dream that you’re going to have 3 children who will grow up perfect and beautiful and they’ll have beautiful grandchildren and then life gives you a special needs child. Don’t get me wrong, I love my child. He’s funny and quirky and a complete pain in my side, just like every other two year old. I love that about him by the way. But life with him is HARD. Like, REALLY, REALLY hard. Every day I grieve for the child I thought I would have and every day is a reminder that he is not that child. I mourn the loss of a child I never even knew. To many that seems stupid, but until you experience this for yourself, you’ll just never understand. Again, I love my son, but I miss out on a lot. I don’t get normal holidays. Halloween is a joke, because he can’t understand why we would knock on someone’s door and not go inside when they answer and we don’t get to do any fun Christmas stuff, because he can’t comprehend who Santa is or even notice the purpose of an elf on the shelf. I grieve those traditions we haven’t been able to have yet. I hope one day we will, but for now I grieve.

Being the parent of a special needs child is tough. I have to deal with normal mom shaming and on top of that I feel the judgment from people in public when my child has a complete meltdown because he can’t communicate. It’s really unfortunate that instead of just letting me know that it’s going to be ok, I get people staring me down with intense glares of judgment. I log on to Facebook and see memes of people judging parents whose kids are throwing a fit in the store that say “I didn’t do this as a kid, because my mama didn’t play that.” Well this mama doesn’t play that either, but I refuse to beat the shit out my kid for not being able to communicate his emotions. It’s just not an effective way to teaching any child, let alone a child who already doesn’t understand the world around him. Want to help out the parent of a special needs child today? Be kinder and more understanding of the people around you. Stop judging a tantrum in the store or think because they are giving into the tantrum that they are teaching their child that they can get whatever they want. Maybe that mom is just tired. Maybe that child doesn’t understand. Or maybe that mom is just trying to get the hell out of the store. Regardless, I’m pretty sure no parent is perfect. Just remember, that mom may be you one day. It might be you navigating a system built to work against you. Where outside of your normal responsibilities you have to call insurance companies, service agencies, government agencies and learn than because you make “too much money” your kid gets nothing. Perhaps it’s you one day who wakes up to a new president who plans to gut an important piece of legislation that ensures your special needs child won’t get turned down for insurance because of his preexisting condition. Perhaps it’s you who has to deal with what the future will look like for your child. Meanwhile you’re just trying to live life and remember all the good things your child has done that day and how far they have come from where he started. It could be you one day just one situation away from crying at work for 2 hours. So please, let’s be a little kinder to each other. Let’s support the hot mess express in each of us. We’re all struggling for one reason or another. Today it’s me, but tomorrow it might be you.