So I have to admit, having grown up LDS, the longer I am a
part of the organization, the more irritated I get with certain parts of the
culture. The parts I have the most irritation with are the parts that have
absolutely nothing to do with doctrine. Unfortunately though, as in any
religion, people have to ruin it. Like, not just ruin it, but rip up, stomp and
spit on, and light it all on fire. Probably the biggest cultural problem, is
the attitudes and actions of LDS women. I know I’m not the only one out there
as I’ve had many a conversation with others who are just as irritated as I am.
So with that, I am writing an open letter to women of my culture to quite
frankly, stop it. Let me start with some recent experiences of mine to explain
where the irritation is coming from.
As a whole, the church culture has been very outwardly
focused on things that are a “threat” to our religion and to families. I can’t
sit through a lesson without someone bringing up an example of gay marriage,
drugs, liberals (don’t even get me started on the politics at church), and many
other things that supposedly threaten Zion. But honestly, want to know what the
biggest threat to Zion is? Us. We are the biggest threat to peace, harmony, and
salvation. We have a serious problem with catty, back-stabbing gossip and
taking offense to anyone who asks you a question. Many a woman has felt
rejected and judged in our congregations from our constant need to put on our
Sunday face and then change personalities on Monday. But, I digress, my recent experiences
include: passive aggressive text messages at 10:30 at night after trying to fix
confusion of an entire program. I know of a woman who yelled at someone I work
with in the church all because she asked for a budget and calendar (which all
programs are asked to do) to better be able to account for activities and
spending. I know of another woman who was cornered and lectured for 30 minutes
by several women for the ward party not being “done right”. Apparently it says
somewhere in the scriptures that ward parties must be at night and serve
dinner, instead of in the morning serving breakfast. Also, apparently if
pancakes aren’t served we aren’t considering the needs of children. Also, if I
have to sit through one more meeting where people are more concerned with
decorations and things being laminated than worrying about what actually needs
to get done, I’m going to single-handedly lose my mind.
So sisters, please do me and many others a favor and STOP
IT. Get off of Pinterest. We don’t need to have ice sculptures and table
displays for lessons. We don’t need to have extravagant decorations for
meetings. If someone brings in handouts or posters that aren’t laminated or
printed in color ink, I promise the world will survive. We need to stop the
passive aggressive text messages. If you have a problem with someone, learn how
to resolve it assertively. Also, stop taking everything personally when someone
asks a question or asks you to put together a calendar or budget. Stop living
in a world of cliques and become more inclusive. We are all women trying to
survive this crazy ride called life and we don’t need to cause further
divisions by excluding people.
If you aren’t willing to do these things for others, do it
for yourself. Utah has the highest amount of anti-depressant and prescription
narcotic usage in the country, the majority of those users being LDS women.
Coincidence? I think not. The constant keeping up with the Jones’ has got to
stop. We are literally hurting ourselves and breeding mental illness. Just as
Uchtdorf said in general conference, we need to simplify and stop making things
harder on ourselves. We have enough things to worry about in life than
bickering, lamination, and extravagant decorations.
Alright, now that I’ve got that off my chest, I’m going to
go practice what I preach and work on not taking offense to late night passive aggressive
text messages.
